Life as I know It

Lovers or Friends

Troy L. Smith — Fri, 02 Apr 2010 17:02:00 GMT

(What I was listening to when I wrote this: "Hard To Explain" - The Strokes)

Have you ever had a best friend who everyone — friends, family, co-workers, people at the grocery store, your priest, etc. — thinks you’re in love with, even though — let me make this clear — YOU’RE NOT?!

Welcome to my world; one where I have a very close friendship with a person of the opposite sex that yields no “benefits.” But that hasn’t stopped me from taking a whole bunch of crap for it. There are some of you who will feel sympathy reading this column. Others will think I’m overreacting. But the way things are going, most of you will likely fall in line with everyone else — store clerks, firemen, babies, dogs, etc. — and wind up believing I truly am in love with my friend. And I’ve given up all hope in changing your minds.

A few weeks ago, I reached my breaking point. All of the speculation made me want to pull out my hair (if I actually had hair). Then, I began to wonder whether everyone was right and if two people of the opposite sex friends could actually be just friends.? There were several steps that pushed me to that point got me to this place.

Step 1: The winks. Let me clue you into in on the idiotic world of us men. Any time my female friend and I are around my buddies and she’s not looking, I get the winks, or what I like to call it the “Yo, you hittin’ that?” face. You shake your head no, but they never believe you. At some point, when the winks keep coming, even from the bartender at your favorite pub, it starts to get under your skin.

Step 2: Her boyfriend hates me. It must be in the guy code somewhere. The better a friend you are to her, the more her boyfriend will hate you. If she comes home at 1 a.m. because she’s out at the club with you and your friends, he’s going to hate you. If she spends from the hours of 7 to 8 p.m. on the couch text messaging you back and forth, he’s going to hate you. And if you one-up him with a present on her birthday or a holiday, he probably should hate you. My bad, bro.

Step 3: Her mom gets in on it. If you have a close friend on Facebook, there’s a chance their that her mom will friend request you and send you a message about how she knows you’re in love with her daughter. Well, maybe that last part only happened to me. As I recall, the message read something like, — “I have a pretty good idea of how you feel about ? word missing my daughter, and I think it’s great.” I kind of figured what would come next …

Step 4: Your friend asks you the most awkward question in the history of your friendship. With tears in her eyes, she says, “Are you in love with me?” This was going to be delicate situation. I love my best friend. She’s probably the closest person to me in my life right now. I stuttered a bit as she went on to say, “Just tell me you’re not in love with me and that you never will be so we can move on.” That’s when I realized a hard truth about friendship: One of the best things about having a close friend like that is how easy it is to talk with them about anything … unless it involves them.

I was honest. I told her that I’d considered the possibility of us being in a relationship but that I didn’t have romantic feelings for her. I said that even if I did, it wouldn’t matter. She’s my best friend, and that’s exactly what I need her to be right now.

So, can two friends of the opposite sex be JUST friends? I now believe the answer is no. Because even if they are just friends in terms of how they interact with each other, there will always be people out there who think they are or should be together. Just recently my mom met my best friend and loves her. My guess is that soon she’ll be joining everyone else — my roommates, the guy at the coffee shop, the mailman, etc. — in thinking love is right around the corner. And that’s led me to a new process of steps so I don’t reach my breaking point again …

Step 1: Stop caring what everyone else thinks.

The Albums I Can't Wait To Hear in the 2nd Half of '09

Troy L. Smith — Mon, 27 Jul 2009 02:32:00 GMT

10. Raekwon - Only Build 4 Cuban Linx II (9/8)

Raekwon seems to have invested so much time into the sequel to his 1995 classic. And the album cover w/ Ghostface in the background brings back some oh so good memories.

9. Pearl Jam – Backspacer (9/20)

For it’s 9^th album, the last grunge band standing is back working with Brendan O’Brien, who last produced Yield for Pearl Jam.

8. Slaughterhouse – self-titled (8/11)

In this case you have four MCs who each have, at one point, been labeled hip-hop’s next big thing. Now that they’re all together, perhaps they actually are.

7. Flaming Lips – Embryonic (9/29)

The first double album from one of the more complex and unique rock bands of all-time. If that isn’t enough to make your list of anticipated albums for the rest of 2009, you’re crazy!

6. Clipse – Til the Casket Drops (10/20)

If Pusha T and Malice have shown anything in their career, it’s that they’re getting better as time goes on. Here’s hoping the third time’s the charm for mainstream success.

5. Drake – Thank me Later (late 2009)

I’m a natural skeptic. For a lot of people, Drake’s debut would be #1 on this list, but I’m doubtful of a guy people are saying is the biggest thing since Kanye and 50 Cent. Still, there’s no denying “Best I Ever Had” is a great hit-record. But does Drake seemed poised for the kind of monumental career people are anticipating. I just don’t know. Thank me later? I just might eat some humble pie.

4. Lupe Fiasco – Lasers (December)

Dude just seems to have that thing about it – the kind of drive that pushes you to be better and better each time around. The only other artists you see that in nowadays is Kanye West, in my opinion. So, I expect Lasers to be better than The Cool, which might just blow my mind.

3. Paramore – Brand New Eyes (9/29)

After hearing the thumping first single “Ignorance” (a lil more chuggy than “Misery Business”), it seems like Brand New Eyes might take Paramore to the next level – producer Rob Cavallo (Goo Goo Dolls, Green Day) can’t hurt.

2. Vampire Weekend – TBD (Fall 2009)

When you produce your own records and are one of the most carefree bands in the world there really isn’t much info about your album that you don’t let out yourself. Vampire Weekend keep things close to the vest because I’m not sure they even believe the help themselves. Which is what made their excellent debut all the more delightful last year.

1. Jay-Z – The Blueprint 3

What’s riding on The Blueprint 3? Well, it’s the second sequel to the greatest album of this decade (I’ll accept an argument for Radiohead’s Kid A also). I get the feeling we may spend the rest of Jay-Z’s career watching him try to match The Blueprint. I don’t know about anyone else, but I’m up for the ride.

LupE.N.D.

Troy L. Smith — Tue, 23 Jun 2009 03:52:00 GMT

My new music obsession of the day is the new, leaked Lupe Fiasco track "Shining Down."

Here's a low quality version from YouTube (who knows how long this will stay up?) www.youtube.com/watch?v=R5VpH-436Qg

Lupe's The Cool was one of the most slept on albums of last year - a great piece of music and I can't wait for his next album. Lupe seems pretty pissed the song leaked, and for good reason. According to him it's not the finished version. But to be honest, the song is amazing. It features that Matthew Santos cat who sung the chorus on "Superstar." Turns out he's just some singer/songwriter from Minnesota that Lupe signed to his label. Crazy!

I'm really feeling Lupe's music. Hip-hop has been so dry the past few years. I barely listen to it much anymore, other than Kanye West's stuff, Clipse or a few other acts pushing the limits. And I'm not feeling many of the "rising stars" like Asher Roth or Drake. Same ol, same ol if you ask me.

If you haven't copped The Cool, do so NOW!

The Movies That Shaped My Quarter Life

Troy L. Smith — Thu, 19 Mar 2009 12:41:24 GMT

Looking back on the past decade, there are movies I can't seem to escape. They're embedded in who I am. They've shaped my ideals, my views on life, and, in general, what life's about. Somehow, I've come to terms with a lot of things I have gone through based on how these films make me feel. To me, they represent the human condition, and while mostly fiction, I find myself in all of them:

Crash (2004)
We crash into each other every day, and we never take the time to realize. What a simple concept. I saw Crash in theaters the day it came out, one of the few people to do so. And it's been my favorite movie ever since. The ideas of race examined in the are nothing new, but they slap you in the face. Sometimes we get caught up thinking we live in a world where race relations and understanding are things that are no longer issues in society. But truly, they are now more than ever. With our first black president in office, it's a movie about the need for people in this country to truly appreciate our differences that makes me proud to be an American.

Garden State (2004)
Everybody raves about Zach Braff, like he's some kind of indie, hipster director who did something groundbreaking with Garden State. Not true. The true appeal, for me, is how mainstream and relatable the core concept of Garden State is. Our parents and grandparents think we're a generation of slackers who don't give a shit about anything, when actually, we're a generation of young adults who want so badly to care, and just figure out who were are. We just don't know how.

American Beauty (1999)
I read a blog the other day saying that director Sam Mendes' new film Away We Go is his first that shows potential of having any heart. Such ignorance. Anyone who doesn't believe that American Beauty has heart is missing out on one of the truly emotionally gripping films made in the past 25 years. American Beauty is a dark satire on suburban America and at the heart lies souls of characters who have spent the bulk of their lives trying to live a "perfect" life that is unachievable. There's true heart in that, because it reflects the struggles in all of us. Spectacular.

Higher Learning (1995)
Months before leaving my hometown of Rochester, NY to attend college two hours away, my whole perspective was rocked by Higher Learning. Don't get me wrong, the issues tackled in the film a tad bit extreme, to say the least, but the examination of a group of college freshman experiencing a new world of diversity and the ideas of race, sex and class. I grew up in the inner-city, but having attended Catholic schools all my life, I never realized how sheltered I truly was until college. Higher Learning braced me for some of those shock waves.